NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Simon Belmont VS. Link

It is a dark and stormy night as the camera closes in on the Nintendoland Deathmatch stadium, where all of Nintendo's biggest stars fight it out to the death! Tonight, uneasiness is in the air as the crowd awaits the two fighters for tonight to show up. Suddenly, the crowd bursts into an uproar as Mario and Luigi, in their hosting booth, appear opposite sides to each other from their respective green and red doors.
 
Mario: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, it's-a me, Mario!
 
The crowd roars louder in response to the saying that has been overused a thousand times before.
 
Luigi: (Sigh) It's me, Luigi.
 
The crowd roars again, and after the calm settles down, Mario speaks.
 
Mario: As you all know, last week, before I took out a certain blue rodent who was stuck in the eighties, Simon Belmont challenged any member of the Link family to a 'Sexiest Male Without a Shirt' match. Today, we are pleased, or disturbed, depending on how you look at it, to bring you this fight!
 
The crowd gives a mixed reaction, with some boos, some cheers, and some signs asking Link for his phone number.
 
Luigi: As you all know him, the one who has saved Hyrule, beaten Ganon, awakened the Windfish, and holder of the tri-force of courage, Player One,
 
Link!
 
Nothing happens as Luigi announces Link's entrance, so Mario takes over.
 
Mario: Well, anyhow, I am pleased to present, a young man from a cursed family who has been forced to beat back Dracula and his evil minions a countless number of times, Player Two, Simon Belmont!
 
As the crowd waits for Simon Belmont's entrance, they are disappointed once again to find that nothing happened.
 
Luigi: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what to say!
 
As Mario begins to respond, he is interrupted by the thundering of hoof beats.
 
Suddenly, four horses carrying several green tunic clad beings and one in a black tunic, shock the stadium with a tremendous entrance.
 
Four horses carrying five Links are visible through the dust. Link the first, little Link the first riding with him, Link the second, Link the third, and, to the shock of everybody, Dark Link, the nemesis inside the Water Temple!
 
Link I: We are here to take the challenge of the Belmont family!
 
Little Link: Link, are you sure about this?
 
Dark Link: (To Little Link) Shut up and let me speak! (To the arena) I will fight this Belmont coward! Where is he? Everybody knows I am the best-looking Link in the land of Hyrule!
 
With this, he takes off his tunic and flexes his muscles, to the great embarrassment of the other four Links.
 
Suddenly, a whine is heard. It turns slowly into a whistle, and a white light fills the arena, as the entire Belmont bloodline fills the ring!
 
Simon: I am here, you fiend! Come and fight me!
 
The rest of the Belmonts shout their agreement, daring the Links to step foot into the ring. All the Links step forward, but are stopped by a plea from Mario.
 
Mario: Wait a minute! Only Simon Belmont issued the challenge! Therefor, only HE can fight, as listed in the Official Nintendoland Deathmatch Rulebook on page 89, paragraph two, line three! Also, only ONE Link can accept the challenge!
 
All the Belmont family but Simon mumble to themselves and take their seats in the front row of the Deathmatch ring. The Links look at each other, and begin to converse and argue over who will go. During the confusion, Little Link the First yanks off his tunic and jumps into the ring.
 
Little Link: I'm fighting!
 
Rest of Links: No way! He can't do that! Hmph! Mario, stop him, he'll get killed!
 
Mario: I'm sorry, Link, Link, Link, and Link, but Link was the first one to accept the challenge, so only he can fight.
 
The Links sit down in the Deathmatch seats, mumbling, groaning, and praying for little Link.
 
Mario: Well, it seems that the fighters are ready and stripped to the waist, so, without further ado, fight!
 
The bell to fight sounds, and the two opponents circle each other, Simon smiling to himself.
 
Simon: This will be too easy, taking out a little runt!
 
These words reach Little Link, and anger him.
 
Little Link: I'm not a runt!
 
Little Link charges Belmont, who sidesteps him and strikes his back with the famous Belmont whip.
 
Little Link runs around the ring, reaching for his back, trying to ease the pain with his hands.
 
Belmonts: Hah! Look at him! What fools, letting a child fight for them!
 
Links: Mumble… I'd kick his... Stupid #@$%%^&! Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…
 
But, while Simon is busy laughing, Little Link reaches for his slingshot, and aims a Simon, who is hit with a Deku seed where no man wants to be hit with a Deku seed.
 
Crowd: Ooh… Ow! Ooh, I felt that one! THAT must've hurt! He'll be singing soprano from now on!
 
Little Link doesn't let his advantage go to waste, and moves up to the crouching Simon, and begins to beat him with a Deku stick.
 
Simon: Ow! Hey, that hurts you little Mother-
 
Links: Hey! He's just a kid! I'll kick YOUR @$$! Watch your mouth!
 
Simon catches himself, and grabs the stick away from Little Link. He throws it into the crowd, and pulls his legendary short sword from his side.
 
Little Link: Uh oh…
 
Little Link begins to run as Simon chases him around the ring, yelling profanities at Little Link.
 
Dark Link: (Being restrained by the other three Links) You say one more thing to him and I'll shove my foot so far up your- (His mouth is then covered by Link the First.)
 
Simon smiles, and reaches for his whip. He begins to whip Little Link mercilessly, and, when Little Link is on the ground sobbing, he holds his sword high in the air, and plunges it deep into Little Links torso.
 
Links: No! Sob… You son of bitch, I'll kick your ass! No, it can't be…
 
Mario: Simon! What have you done? Nobody ever actually DIES here at Nintendoland! You heartless bastard!
 
Simon looks up, confused, and looks down at Little Link.
 
Luigi runs down to the ring and scoops up Little Link in his arms.
 
Luigi: I'm rushing him to the hospital!
 
Mario: Take my car!
 
Mario throws his keys to Luigi, and he runs out of the arena.
 
Link the First is in a rage, and tears his way into the ring. Simon has his back turned, and Link wallops him in the back of the head, sending him flying across the ring.
 
Link I: I'll kill you!
 
Reinhardt Schneider: Hey, Mario! He can't go in there for Little Link! That's not fair!
 
Mario: Technically, since Little Link the First and Link the First are the same person, I'm afraid he can, Reinhardt.
 
Reinhardt: Well, um… He's still got a shirt on!
 
Link overhears this, and rips off his tunic, and uses it to strangle Simon Belmont with. Suddenly, a small noise is heard, accompanied by a little pink glow entering the ring. Nobody notices it, until it is hovering right over Link's head.
 
Link I: Navi! What are you doing here?
 
Navi: Link, if you kill Simon, then you'll be no better than he is.
 
Simon: (Through gasps and wheezes, do to the fact that Link is choking him) Listen to her Link!
 
Link begins to see what Navi is talking about. He then looks around at the crowd. Some people are crying for Little Link. Some are furious. The Belmonts sit in their seats, looking at the floor. It's not a game, anymore.
 
Suddenly, Link waves his hand in the air, reciting a magic spell, and the Master Sword appears in his hand!
 
Link points sword at Simon's throat, and keeps it there for a while. Suddenly, he hurls it behind him with an expert aim, impaling an old-looking, pale man in a black cape.
 
Simon looks up.
 
Simon: Link, do you know what you've just done? You've killed Dracula!
 
Simon smiles at Link, but Link walks away.
 
Mounting their horses, the Links begin to ride off.
 
Mario: I just got a call from Luigi, they're at the hospital, and Little Link is okay!
 
As Link I rides off, he reaches in to his saddlebag, producing a boomerang.
 
He hurls it at Simon, knocking him unconscious, and catching it in his hand again.
 
Mario: Well, sort of an emotional match here tonight, but, as you can see, Link the First, or Little Link the First… Well, then who were those other three guys? Well, um…
 
Suddenly the phone rings. Mario picks it up, and is greeted by Luigi's voice.
 
Luigi: It's the Link from the Ocarina of Time, Mario!
 
Mario: Well, for all of us here at Nintendoland Deathmatch, good fight, good night!
 
Wait a minute, that's not my line…
 
 
This summary was written by Jose.