NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Crono VS. Ness

The crowd is cheering wildly as our two plumbers walk into the hosting box.
 
Luigi: Folks, you know what time it is?
 
The crowd cheers so wildly at this you’re afraid their voice boxes will explode.
 
Mario: That’s right, It’s deathmatch time!!
 
The crowd (although it may seam physically impossible) cheers even louder at this.
 
Luigi: Today we have the two masters of RPGs with us. The child genius: Ness, and the warrior of all time (literally), Crono!
 
Mario: Ya know, there’s a lot more similarity to these fighters than you may think. Both of their adventures begin at the turn of the century. Both of their second main enemies join their party, and you never get to see their dad’s throughout the entire game!
 
Luigi: It’s freaky.
 
Mario: Now let’s meet our guest hosts.
 
Luigi: It was originally Al Gore, but our guys fell asleep while talking to him.
 
Mario: So instead we have Ness’s best friend, Paula!
 
Luigi: And one of Crono’s best, Ayla!
 
A girl wearing a pink skirt and a prehistoric muscular woman walk out.
 
Mario: Do you girls have anything to say before we begin?
 
Paula: Hi mom!
 
Mario: And Ayla?
 
Ayla: Ayla say hi to mother. Ayla say Crono kick wimpy kid’s butt!
 
Luigi: Well, this is sure to be interesting. Let’s all welcome our fighters now, shall we?
 

 
Ness struts in waving his bat around. Crono comes in the other side of the arena slashing around his sword.
 
Luigi: Okay, It’s the battle of the kids from the RPGs! Let’s go!
 
Ness:…
 
Crono:…
 
Luigi: What the…
 
Paula: You know the main characters from RPGs can’t talk, Luigi.
 
Mario nods.
 
Luigi: ermm…
 
Before Luigi can feel TOO embarrassed the fight already broke out down below.
 
Crono starts out with a quick slash to ness. Ness’s cap is split in two as ness ducks. Most of ness’s hair goes with it.
 
Ayla: HAHA! Wimpy kid no need haircut for long time!
 
Ness holds up his hand and everyone watches a giant sphere of light form in it. He then tosses the bright sphere at Crono who is quickly blinded the by the giant flash of light it radiates.
 
Paula: Psi flash! Good one ness!
 
Crono comes back to his senses and flies towards ness. He starts spinning around ness, sword in hand, over and over. Once Crono finally backs away, ness is covered in cuts and bruises.
 
Ayla: Wimpy flash no match for confusion.
 
Ness looks at himself and touches his hand to his forehead. A pale light radiates from ness’s hand and spreads all over his body. His cuts vanish like disappearing ink.
 
Paula: (chuckling) Psi healing.
 
Crono looks at ness and crouches on the ground. Ness realizes what’s coming and casts a psychic shield right as a giant sphere of pure energy forms around ness. Ness’s shield is completely destroyed right before the assault finishes.
 
Ayla: ha! Luminaire attack strong! I guess this "who wants to be a luminaire!
 
Paula: Is she annoying any of YOU yet?
 
Ness quickly counters with a giant psychic blast to Crono. In a huge explosion, Crono goes flying across the arena.
 
Paula: take that you stupid skirt wearing freak!
 
Luigi: Isn’t it a tunic?
 
Mario: It looks like a skirt to me. Remember Link the uh…
 
Luigi: oh for the love of…
 
Crono gets back up and sends a thunder blast towards ness. Ness reaches into his pocket and pulls out his Franklin badge, just in time to make the thunder fly back into the crowd.
 
Luigi: He better be careful with that thing: If he fries our audience he’ll get one heck of a penalty.
 
Ness reaches around for anything to attack with. Pulling out his yo-yo, he flicks it at Crono, only to get its string cut off.
 
Ayla: Stupid toy no work. Crono strong!
 
Paula: Ness! You can still use the yo-yo!!
 
Ness thinks for a moment and quickly chucks the business end of the yo-yo into Crono’s nose. Crono grasps his aching nose. This gives Ness the perfect time to hit him in the back.
 
Paula: YES! In your face dumb lady!
 
Luigi: uh.. Let’s be nice here…
 
Crono is crawling away from ness as a heap on the floor. He takes his sword and swipes at ness. Ness jumps back only getting a part of his shirt torn. Ness swings down at Crono but he blocks it with his sword. Ness wiggles his jammed bat around, knocking both their weapons out of reach.
 
Paula: What?
 
Ayla: You get up Crono!
 
Luigi is being absentminded.
 
Mario just realized the joke.
 
Ness grabs what’s left of his bat (stub) and throws it Crono. It hits him square between the eyes.
 
Then Crono does something totally out of place.
 
 
 
Crono: THAT HURT YOU %$&*!@#$ $!~**&^!!!!!!!
 
The crowd is instantly silenced, as is the hosts.
 
Even Ness is too speechless to do anything.
 
Paula: Crono just…
 
Mario: just…
 
Luigi: just…
 
Ayla: Scared pants off wimpy kid!!
 
Paula: ggrr…. That’s it you psychotic weirdo, I’m coming over there!
 
Paula grabs her frying pan and hits Ayla in the head with it. Ayla retaliates by punching her in the jaw.
 
Mario: Stop!
 
Luigi: This is Ness and Crono’s battle!
 
Paula continues to slug it out with the prehistoric woman as Luigi and Mario beg them to stop.
 
The catfight continues until a very irritated Mario pulls them away from each other. Paula and Ayla are still staring at each other coldly as Crono is carried out on a stretcher.
 
Mario: I hope we never have to do this again.
 
Luigi: Agreed.
 
Paula: (gasping for air)… yes.
 
Ayla: This Ayla saying: Deathmatch good! Good night everyone!
 
Mario: That’s my line.
 
Luigi: Who cares anymore?
 
 
This summary was written by elmer.tbem@gateway.net.