NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Falco Lombardi VS. Fox McCloud

The stadium is as packed as usual and buzzing with activity underneath the starlit night sky. Mario and Luigi stride into the commentator's booth. Mario immediately grabs the microphone and, in an overly loud and enthusiastic tone he belts out the following phrase:

-Mario: Good eeeevening Nintylaaaand!

-Luigi: Mario, have you been drinking too much coffee again?

-Mario: Shut uuuuup, Luiiigiii!

-Luigi: Yup, waaay too much coffee. *aherm* Well, anyway, if you want to make a totally crap pun, you could say that this week's battle will be like, totally out of this world.

-Mario: Oh yeah, haw haw....What Luigi means with that gruesomely poor piece of verbal humour is that for this week, we'll witness a heated match between the two brightest stars of the distant Lylat system; it's the latest deathmatch; Falco Lombardi vs Fox McCloud!

-Luigi: And for this occasion, our stadium is packed with spectators from all around the galaxy. In particular the Lylat system is well represented in our crowd, with well-dressed furries abounding at every corner.

Indeed, the seats around the arena are displaying a high amount of animal activity and bursting excitement, except for a few. Somewhere in the crowd, a short and pudgy toad creature with a baseball cap conveys these words to a middle-aged bunnyrabbit blokey next to him.

-Slippy: I don't see why everyone gets so worked up. It's not like we've never seen Foxy and Falco argue like maniacs a thousand times before.

-Peppy: Yes, but there's the stadium and everything, that'll add a little something...

-Slippy: I still think it's dead boring. Why did we even bother to come all this way? *sigh* I'm starved from the long journey, I could sure do with a snack.

At that point, a wrinkled ape man with a hefty white beard comes walking by, carrying a large tray stuffed with snacks for sale. In a monotone voice, he shouts the following phrases:

-Andross: Peanuts, softdrinks, ice cream, rice balls and manju! Get your extra fattening snacks here!

-Slippy: Oh, perfect timing! Oi, snack boy, throw me a manju!

Irritated by Slippy's disrespectful tone, the disgruntled "snack boy" Andross obeys the froggy boy's command a little too litterally and forcefully throws a manju cake right in Slippy's face, sending the sweet bean paste splattering all over his face.

-Slippy:...I didn't mean like that.

-Peppy: It's strange, but that snack guy somehow looks so familiar....Must be just my imagination, I suppose.

And as the snack salesman wanders off, he mutters these words to himself:

-Andross: Grrrumble, after my defeat and the crumbling of my galactic empire, the only job I could find was to be a snack salesman at this crummy place, but soon, I shall make my triumphant comeback and overthrow the whole cosmos! Just you wait! This is only a temporary setback!

Meanwhile, a spotlight has illuminated the arena, and a single figure climbs onto the fighter's ring. Fox McCloud stands a little hesitantly on the large battleground, as the crowd excitedly cheers.

-Mario: Ah, our first fuzzy fighter has arrived!

-Luigi: The second combattant should be here soon, but before he arrives, we'll bring out a special guest. An expert in space dogfighting, an eyewitness of many of the great space battles of the Lylat system, and a close personal friend of McCloud, I've named, mr Bill Grey!

The fighter pilot in question enters the commentators booth and takes his place next to the Mario brothers.

-Mario: I hope he hasn't got fleas....

-Luigi: Hilarious, Mario. And then you call -my- puns poor. In any case, mr. Grey, you who know McCloud very well, what do you think his chances will be?

-Bill: It's difficult to tell...he's a fierce one, allright, but the one he's going up against is Lombardi...that could lead to problems.

-Mario: Speaking of which, what the hell is keeping Lombardi so long? He should've been here....

-Bill: Oh, he'll show up allright, probably in typical outrageously flashy fashion...

At that point, a deep voice is heard bellowing the phrase "you bet I will!!", and a tall silhouette, illuminated by colourful spotlights leaps into the night sky and gracefully lands on the arena, in front of a slightly suprised Foxy. Falco's imposing shilhouette stands right before Foxy, and he gives him a penetrating gaze as he pronounces the following phrase:

-Falco: It's come to this Foxy, it's time for me to prove my infinite superiority. But first....there's something very important I must take care of before we start this....

-Fox: And that would be....?

-Falco: It's of vital importance, I must do this first...

Having spoken these grave words, he turns away from his opponent and strides towards the middle of the arena where he stands still for a moment, in tense silence before rapidly turning to the crowd with an over the top pose.

-Falco: Ta-daaaaah!!

This action causes Foxy and the commentators to smash face-forward onto the ground, but it produces a more enthusiast reaction from the crowd, who wildly applaud this flair for drama. Shrieks of bewildrement can be heard among the spectators:

-"Kyaaah, Falco! He's hot! Over here, please look at us!"-

Chuckling smugly, Falco turns back to his designed opponent and adresses this phrase to him:

-Falco: Now, we can begin. Are you ready to face bitter defeat at the hands of the most perfect man in the cosmos?

-Fox: You're really full of yourself. But I'll make you eat those words!

-Falco: The only you'll eat is....flaming laser death!

Falco then rapidly pulls a gun from his jacket and fires a thin blaster ray at Foxy. However, he was prepared for this kind of offense.

-Fox: That won't work on me! Reflect!

Crouching down, Foxy summons a glowing force barrier which sends Falco's laser shot right back at him. However, he leaps into the air and easily avoids his diverted projectile.

-Falco: In the ancient legends, foxes were said to be crafty and sneaky creatures with magic talents including shape-shifting. I see you are honoring this tradition. But it wasn't quite good enough.

-Fox: I know very well that projectiles won't work on you. You have the agility to avoid any of those easily, but on the other hand....

-Falco: ...it's also pointless for me to use guns, as you'll just reflect their rays. So, with that in mind, why not make this a no weapons battle? What do you say, just you and me, man to man.

-Fox: Works for me, no more guns from now on.

With those words, Foxy takes the ray gun he was carrying from his pocket and tosses it away. Falco then drops his gun on the ground and crushes the weapon under his foot, with a sly grin. A silence has fallen over the arena, which the commentators hesitantly break by speaking these words:

-Luigi: This looks like a unanimous decision to cancel the use of weapons. What will this amount to? Mr Grey, please give us your impressions of this development.

-Bill: I'd say Foxy is taking risks here. His reflect move is effective against projectile attacks, but it won't work against physical attacks. And Lombardi, during his time out on the streets has gained a large amount of brawling experience.

-Mario: So, basically, what McCloud did was very, very stupid!

-Bill: I wouldn't be so sure, he looks as if he's planning something....

The full violence of the fight had burst out now, with Falco unleashing a rain of fierce kicks and punches. But to his frustrations, Foxy's skillfull manoeuvres allowed him to avoid this barrage of attacks.

-Falco: Damn you! Stand still so I can rip you to pieces!

-Fox: No can do, you'll have to think of something better than that!

-Falco: Arrrgh, you annoy me! Eat this!

An enraged Falco then increased the vigor of his offense, but with some effort, Foxy managed to keep up his evasive actions.

-Luigi: We're witnessing an impressive offense by Lombardi! There seems to be no way for Foxy to land an attack.

-Bill: But Foxy's evaive skills are truly marvellous! He's used to flying Arwings thogh barrages of bullets, it muts be his instinct that allows him to dodge so skillfully.

-Mario: See, I told you it was stupid, Foxy's not able to fight back, he just keeps dodging. He can't keep going on like that forever.

-Luigi: It does look pretty bad for him....unless he finds a way to counter, he'll eventually fall prey to such vicious attacks, that's for sure.

-Bill: You. Re right there, I don't see what he's playing at....I'm sure he has -something- up his sleeve, but why doesn't he try to at least counterattack? What is he planning?

At that point, Foxy had been driven to the arena's edge. No longer able to run from the stormy attacks of his opponent, he soon found himself slammed onto the ground, with Falco grabbing him by his throat and slowly tightening his grip.

-Falco: I've got you now, you're at my mercy, McCloud.

-Fox: That is....exactly what I wanted you to think! Eat it!

Before Falco could react, Foxy had delivered a powerful knee kick to his stomach. Falco was stunned with disbelief for a moment, which allowed Foxy to continue his offense with a strong kick to Falco's face. With a howl of agony, Falco staggered backwards. This gave Foxy the chance to get up on his feet, and suddenly, glowing flames began to surround his body...

-Fox: You've made a fatal mistake, that's just what I was waiting for. You've given me the time-out I needed to charge this decisive blow!

The entire crowd was holding it's breath, staring in disbelief as violent flames erupted all around Fox.

-Mario: Ma...mamma mia, what's he doing?

-Bill: That is....It's the Fire Fox attack! It's power is terrifying, but it takes some time to pull it off. So that's what he was planning for!

-Luigi: I see, but Foxy had his chance after he had kicked Falco. It looks like the tables have turned!

Indeed, Foxy now launched himself, as a mass of raging flames at his opponent. Falco was hit by the full impact of the fearsome Fire Fox attack, which hurled him to the ground with a resounding crash, where he remained motionless, as the flames around Foxy's body gradually died down again.

-Mario: That was....that was some attack. I had no idea he was hiding such power!

-Bill: All along, Falco made the mistake of not thinking things over. It's in his nature; he's too impulsive and quick to anger. And that made him lose.

-Luigi: Are you sure? It doesn't seem to be quite over yet...

Indeed, Falco was trying to stagger back to his feet, bravely ignoring the intese agony that was plaguing his every limb.

-Falco: N....no, I will not lose! It isn't possible that I lose!

-Fox: Falco, haven't you had enough? After taking such a blast, you're in no state to go on. Give it up, already.

-Falco: Never! I never lose, I don't know the meaning of the word! I'm superior to you in every way, it isn't possible that I should lose! I refuse to believe it! Noooo!!

Gripped by bitter rage, Falco hurled himself at Foxy one more time, but he simply stepped aside, and delivered a rapid blow to the back of Falco's neck. This caused Falco to lose consciousness and crash to the ground. Foxy stared at his fainted opponent for a while.

-Fox: You just never change, Falco....

He then bent over and picked up the unconscious Falco, and carrying him over his shoulder, Foxy walked out of the stadium ignoring the bewildered cheers of the crowd, who were applauding his smooth victory at full blast.

-Luigi: And so, this intense battle ends with McCloud as the victor!

-Mario: He sure took a more clever approach than Lombardi.

-Bill: It's a shame, Falco would perform better if he wasn't so hotheaded and arrogant. His flaws balance out his talents, in a way....

-Luigi: Before we sign of, we'd like to thank to Galaxy Linguistic Bureau for arranging a smooth translation from Lylat to English.

-Mario: Actually, that's a blatant lie, but oh well.

But suddenly, two figures appeared behind Mario and Luigi, and sternly addressed these words to them:

-Wolf: Excuse us, but we are most displeased with this event!

-Leon: That's true! Lombardi is my trophy! How dare you arrange this without consulting me?!

-Luigi: Uhm...eh??

-Mario: Who are these two maniacs?

-Wolf: Grrr, now you're really asking for it!

-Bill: Those two are from team Star Wolf. I'm not surprised to see them so disgruntled about this, they're hell-bent on defeating the Star Fox boys, it's a personal vendetta.

-Leon: You bet it is! After such a gross injustice, we really need someone to pass out our frustrations onto!

-Wolf: And these two pasta pushers look just right for that! We'll punish them!

-Mario: Now way! We've gotten ourselves in a terrible mess again!

-Bill: You can say that again. This is your special co-host Bill Grey signing off before things really get ugly.

-Morale: There's more to the concept of mind over matter than you might think

 
This summary was written by Toasty.