NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Goomba VS. Koopa Troopa

The deathmatch stadium is buzzing with activity. The left half of the crowd is filled with bushyeyebrowed orange mushrooms that bear their big teeth as they cheer loudly. The right half of the crowd is made up of Koopa turtles with shells of all colors, who are doing their best to outcheer the Goombas on the opposite side of the stadium. In the host's booth, Mario and Luigi pop up.
 
Mario: It's-a mee, Maario!
 
Crowd: Booooo!!
 
Luigi: Great move, Mario. Did you expect that a horde of Koopa flunkies would be happy to see you?
 
Mario: Well, if they hate us so much, I don't see why they wanted us as the hosts of this thing...
 
Luigi: *mumbling* Because noone else was dumb enough to accept, that's why.
 
Mario: We've been forced to do this ever since the exhosts were crucified and decapitated upon popular demand.
 
Luigi: That never happened! Stop saying such nonsense! Now, back to business. This battle will oppose the two most loyal and wellknown servants of Bowser's army; Goomba vs Koopa Troopa!
 
Mario: Boring. What can they do? Walk into each other? Eek, mother, I'm so scared.
 
Luigi: It's not quite that simple. You see, it's been decided that whoever wins this match will recieve a raise in payment from Bowser. Basically, if the Troopa wins, all the Troopas will get extra payment, and if the Goomba wins, all of the Goombas' salaries will be raised. So there certainly is a lot of determination! This promises to be a heated battle!
 
Mario: I still say it's dull.
 
Luigi: Stop interrupting me! Anyway, both species of Koopa minion have chosen the finest, most lethal fighter from their midst, who will represent them in this deathmatch. And here's our first contestant! The fighter chosen to represent the Koopa Troopas! A deadly maniac with a shell that really smarts, I give you, Killer Koopa!
 
A greenshelled Troopa, wearing a headband with "Kill!" written on it then hops onto the arena and demonstrates a few kicks 'n punches. The Troopas in the audience roar with enthusiasm, while the Goombas shout obscene words at him.
 
Luigi: And now, number two! The one to represent the Goombas is the most feared fungus fighter known in the Koopa kingdom! The Goomba with jaws of steel, Goombazilla!
 
With those words, a Goomba with a skull tattooed over his forehead hops onto the arena and roars, bearing it's glistening teeth. This is met with hefty cheering from the Goomba crowd, and loud shouting from the Troopa crowd.
 
Luigi: Well, we're about ready to start now...
 
Mario: Arrrrgh, a Gooomba....So many Goombas and Troooopas! Must....kill.....baddieeees!
 
Luigi: Mario, what are you doing? Have you been sniffing something?
 
Mario: Luigi, I can't take it anymore! It's a compulsive urge! I have to go out there and stomp those baddies! I simply have to do it!
 
Luigi: Oh no....from all the years of baddiehopping, Mario has developed a compulsive addiction to jumping on top of every Koopa creepo he comes accross.
 
Mario: You bet! Now let me at them! I want to see blood!
 
Luigi: Mario, those are our contestants and audience. You musn't kill them. At least not until after the match. I hate to do this, but you need a tranquiliser.
 
Luigi then takes out a big metal hammer and pounds Mario's face in, which causes him to pass out. He then ties Mario to a chair and returns to the microphone.
 
Luigi: Sorry about this delay. Now that our audience and contestants are out of mortal peril, it's time to begin! Game Start!
 
The audience bursts out in loud roaring, as the Goomba launches the first attack! He dashes forward, with his terrible jaws wide apart. This speedy offense only leaves the Troopa mere seconds to avoid it's opponent.
 
Troopa: Man, he's fast! Faster than I expected....
 
Goomba: And here I come again! Chaaarge!
 
The Goomba once again launches himself at his opponent, who barely finds time to plunge out of the way.
 
Troopa: Flippin' heck! I can't even counterattack! If I try to punch him while he's dashing at me, I'll get my arm bitten off!
 
Luigi: Oh, it seems as if Killer Koopa is in a tricky spot here!
 
Troopa: That's what he thinks! I know what the perfect way of killing a Goomba is; an aerial assault! Hurrrghn, full powerrr!
 
The Troopa then focuses his full strength, and a pair of white wings appear on his shell, allowing him to take to the skies.
 
Luigi: Killer Koopa has concentrated his full force to shift into ParaTroopa mode! Impressive! He's not the number one Troopa battler for no reason!
 
Troopa: I've got that Goomba geek now! Drop kick!
 
The Troopa then attempts to divebomb onto his victim, feet forward, but the Goomba finds plenty of time to run out of the way, causing Troopa to miss his attack. Not discouraged, the Troopa attempts to hop onto the Goomba a few more times, but to no avail.
 
Troopa: Damn you! Stand still so I can squash you!
 
Goomba: Make me! You're just too slow to get a piece of me, sucker!
 
Troopa: Rats!
 
Annoyed, the Troopa then retracts it's wings and lands again.
 
Troopa: I wasn't expecting a lack of speed to be such a disadvantage....I need to think of something.
 
Goomba: Cut out the monologue already! And eat this! Powuuhrrrr Up!!
 
The Goomba then concentrates his full energy to grow a pair of wings of his own. He then flies up and begins to hover above the severely cheesedoff Troopa.
 
Troopa: What the...?! You bastard, that's so low and rotten!
 
Goomba: Oh, my heart bleeds.
 
Luigi: In a surprising, but not very original move, Goombazilla has shiften into ParaGoomba mode! It's looking grim for Killer!
 
Goomba: And now, something to calm you down! MicroGoombas, attack!
 
A swarm of tiny little Goombas is then summoned and sent hurtling towards Killer Koopa. They buzz around their opponent, who begins to seriously lose his temper.
 
Troopa: Arrrgh, piss off, little brats!
 
With a few rapid punches, he eliminates the tiny MicroGoombas, but by then it's already too late. Goombazilla has retracted it's wings and is hurtling faceforward towards Killer, with his teeth stretched out.
 
Goomba: I've got you now! Eat this!
 
Luigi: Surely, Killer is finished now! There's no more time for him to dodge this surprise attack, he's at the mercy of Goombazilla's teeth of doom! Oh, I can't watch, it's too gross....
 
Troopa: I'm not finished yet!
 
At the very last moment, Killer then retracts into his own shell. Instead of drilling into Killer's flesh, Goombazilla's teeth slam against the hard surface if his shell, and a painful, crushing and grinding noise is heard. Goombazilla staggers backwards, spluttering, and spits out a few shattered teeth, as globs of blood begin to drip down his chin.
 
Goomba: Argf....bluh...Owwww! Oh man, that hurrrts!
 
At that point, Killer pops out of his shell again. He then takes off his shell completely, and clad in only his underwear, he rushes towards the agonising Goombazilla.
 
Troopa: Yes! Without my heavy shell, I'm fast enough to catch to annoying Goomba! You're finished now!
 
And indeed, Goombazilla is unable to react quickly enough, and is sent to the ground with a mighty kick from Killer.
 
Luigi: The tables have turned! After dealing terrible damage to Goombazilla's teeth, Killer has now gotten rid of his shell, and ignoring the humiliation of having to fight in only his slip, he has taken advantage of his increased speed!
 
Goomba: Heh, pretty good move, but there's one flaw. Without your shell, you don't have enough muscle to properly kill me. Your punches are too light to harm me!
 
Troopa: I've thought of that as well. It's time to end this, Goombazilla!
 
Killer then lifts his own shell above his head and hurls it at his hapless victim. The Troopa shell skids over the ground, spinning rapidly, and collides with Goombazilla, who is squashed flat against the arena floor by the heavy shell. A silence follows.....
 
Luigi: No Goomba can survive such squashment! This means that Killer Koopa wins!
 
The Troopas in the crowd burst out in estatic cheers, while Killer walks to the center of the arena and lifts his two arms into the air.
 
Luigi: Special thanks go to Bugo Hoss for providing Killer Koopa's shirt and shorts. Now that the Koopa Troopas have earned an increased payment, they will surely perform even better in our next game!
 
At that moment, the unconscious Mario begins to awaken, and noticing that he's tied to a chair, he begins to shout angrily.
 
Mario: No way! I've missed it?! Luigi, you bastard! That was uncalled for!
 
Luigi: You only have yourself to blame, Mario.
 
Mario: You bastard! You're always doing this to me! Every single time, you steal my limelight and grab all the attention just for you, you, you. You selfish hog! Undeserving sibling!
 
Luigi: You must be confusing me with someone else, Mario. Well, that's the end of our latest deathmatch. Thanks for sitting through this, and good evening.
 
Mario: Wait, isn't someone going to untie me?! Luiiiiigiiiiii!!
 
Morale: Money -does- make the world go round.
 
 
This summary was written by Toasty.