NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
James Bond VS. Joanna Dark

The scene is a train, the Rapid Dash Express, traveling high-speed toward the latest deathmatch, James Bond vs. Joanna Dark. The train's passangers are mainly Nintendo characters, a few from from Sega and Sony. James and Joanna have their own private compartments at the head of the train, and the other characters are scattered about randomly, having taken what seats they can find...
 
Lemmy, Iggy, Ludwig, Larry, and Kamek are sitting in one cramped compartment. Ludwig and Kamek are seated on one side of the compartment, while Iggy, Lemmy, and Larry are squeezed together on the seats against the opposite wall. Upon noticing Kamek, Iggy nudges Lemmy and jerks his finger toward Kamek. Lemmy turns to Larry and does the same, and then they are all staring from Ludwig to Kamek in silence. Kamek and Ludwig have not noticed; Ludwig is reading the newspaper, and every now and then he pauses, looks toward Kamek, and they smile at each other. After a curious pause, Lemmy leans over toward Ludwig and speaks to him in a whisper.
 
Lemmy: Lude! (Ludwig does not hear him; Lemmy calls again.) Hey, Lude! Lude, who's that li'l ol' man?
 
Ludwig: (completely innocent) Er, what li'l ol' man?
 
Lemmy: (pointing to Kamek) That li'l ol' man!
 
Ludwig: Him? Oh, him! That's our grandfather.
 
Larry: (looking toward Kamek suspiciously) Our grandfather? That's not our grandfather.
 
Ludwig: Oh, but he is.
 
Larry: But I've seen pictures of our grandfather before. King Dad's always talking about how much he hated him.
 
Ludwig: Oh, that's our other grandfather. But he's our foster grandfather.
 
Larry: Oh, how'd'ya reckon that one out?
 
Ludwig: Well, he took care of King Dad, didn't he?
 
Iggy: (getting up and going to sit in the empty seat next to Kamek, all in a very friendly manner) 'Ello, Grandfather!
 
Kamek (glaring, completely cold and anti-social): Hello.
 
Lemmy: (to Ludwig) He can talk then, can he?
 
Ludwig: (indignantly) Course he can talk, he's a MagiKoopa, isn't he?
 
Iggy: Well, if 'e's our grandfather, who knows?
 
Lemmy: Well, supposin' he is our grandfather, what's he comin' to the deathmatch with us for, then?
 
Ludwig: Oh, King Dad thought the trip would do 'im good. He's nursin' a borken heart, you know.
 
Iggy: (once again very friendly) 'Ey, mister, are you nursin' a broken heart?
 
Kamek does not answer; instead, he gives Iggy a glare so cold and hateful that it practically mows Iggy over. Iggy cowers and goes back to his seat.
 
Lemmy: 'E's a nice ol' man, isn't he?
 
Ludwig: He's very...clean. (Kamek looks extremely pleased at this, as though Ludwig has paid him a high compliment.)
 
Jagger walks in at this point. He's one the two that Bowser has assigned to look after the Kooplings. As he steps into the compartment, he looks back and forth, taking in the people.
 
Jagger: Hey, who's that li'l ol' man?
 
Lemmy: It's our grandfather.
 
Jagger: But I thought your grandfather--
 
Iggy: Oh, yes, but this is our other grandfather.
 
Jagger: (nodding approvingly toward Kamek): Oh, well, that's all right, then.
 
At this point, Koopa the Quick (KTQ) walks into the compart. He stands in the doorway with Jagger; the compartment is now very crowded. He, as Jagger, looks from one side of the room to the next and sees Kamek.
 
KTQ: Hey--
 
Lemmy, Iggy, Larry, Ludwig, Jagger: (finishing KTQ's statement for him) Who's that li'l ol' man?
 
KTQ: Well, who is he?
 
Larry: He belongs to Lude.
 
KTQ: OK, I've got a new idea for all four of you to try. Just this once, let's all try to act good, ordinary, respectful citizens, and let's try not to do anything I'm gonna be sorry for--
 
KTQ pauses to look at Iggy, who is going through the objects in this backpack -- a camera, books, etc. -- with extreme interest, as though he has never seen anything like them before.
 
KTQ: (to Iggy) Are you listening to me?
 
Iggy: He's such a swine...Isn't he, Lem-Man, isn't he a swine?
 
Lemmy: Yeah, a swine.
 
KTQ: Well, we're goin' to the food car, anybody comin'?
 
Kamek: I want me coffee.
 
KTQ: Come with me, then.
 
KTQ, Jagger, and Kamek leave. Afterwards, Stanley the Bugman walks in. He sits between Ludwig and Iggy, and stares at the four of them suspiciously
 
Lemmy: 'Ello.
 
Iggy: Chaming day, isn't it?
 
Stanley closes the window, which one of the Kooplings had opened earlier, and goes back to reading his paper.
 
Iggy takes out a radio and turns it on. A Hard Day's Night begins to play.
 
Stanley: (reaching over and rudely switching off the radio) And we'll have that thing off as well.
 
Iggy: Yeah, but-
 
Stanley: And let me tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.
 
Lemmy: Yeah, but we're a group, a community, a-
 
Stanley: I travel on this trisan reguarly, twice a week. So I believe I have some rights.
 
Lemmy: Yeah, but-
 
Iggy: Come on Lem-man, ya can't win with his sort, after all, it's his train, isn't it, mister?
 
Stanely: and don't take take tone of vioce with me young man. I fought the Nintendo-Sega war, for your sort.
 
Lemmy: Bet you're sorry ya won now aren't ya mister.
 
Larry: Yeah. Come on, lets go to the food cart.
 
Ludwig: Fine with me.
 
Iggy: I'm dieing for a cream soda.
 
Lemmy, Iggy, Larry, and Ludwig leave, but they call to Stanely from the corridor.
 
Lemmy: Hey mister! Can we have our ball back?
 
The four of them then appear outside the window. Lemmy is riding his ball, and he and the others are keeping up with the train.
 
Lemmy: Hey, mister!
 
Iggy: Mister!
 
Ludwig: Mister!
 
Larry: Can we have our ball back?
 
Now, at the Deathmatch stadium, it is about to begin.
 
Mario: Player 1, is a Secret agent with, top scores, James Bond!
 
James comes in as the 007 theme plays.
 
Luigi: And Player 2, is-
 
Luigi was interrupted by a gunshot. Joanna Dark falls to the ground with a cheast wound. James walks out as the 007 theme plays. A crowd member speaks up.
 
Crankey: Hey, shoudn't the fight have been longer?
 
Ruto: I paid $50 for this seat!
 
Zero: Let's tear this place apart!
 
Lemmy and Iggy: Yeah!
 
Wario: Yes! YES! Destory it all! Choas! Mayhem! Violince!
 
Mass Choas follows.
 
This Deathmatch was written by Lance. With great help and editing by an anymous Ness fan.