NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Mario VS. Wario

The time is early evening. The situation is tense. The place is the Nintendoland Deathmatch Stadium. The seating area is packed with spectators, all hoping to see some action tonight. And let's face it. The crowds have never been disappointed.
The impatient spectators are restless as they wait for their masters of ceremony to begin the program for tonight. Finally, at the ringing of a gong, the crowd extends their eyes to the hosting box. Through a green door on the left, Luigi enters the box and takes the microphone.
 
Luigi: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
 
The crowd cheers back a reply in unison. Luigi waits until the excitement has ebbed.
 
Luigi: As most of you may have gathered, Mario shall not be joining me as a host tonight. Instead, he will be down in the ring, closer to the action than usual. This is the first time I've ever done this on my own, so we should probably get things started!
 
The crowd cheers again as Luigi begins to announce the contestants.
 
Luigi: Player One, we all know, is our faithful friend Mario! Kind, heroic, and adventurous, with a heart made of gold pipe spigots! He and I have saved the Mushroom Kingdom and its surrounding lands on several occasions, and there isn't anyone I'd rather work with! Please welcome the Stomping Sensation, the Block-Bopping Beast, your friend and mine, Mario!
 
A Warp Pipe sprouts through the floor of the arena and Mario leaps out of it, waving to the crowd.
 
Mario: Hello! Hello there! Thank you! Thank you for the applause! Thank you! No, I mean it! Thank you very much!
 
Luigi: Now to announce our Player Two for the evening. I must admit that he's not as popular as Mario, and I certainly don't care for him…
 
Voice: That's because you're a wimp!
 
Luigi: Eh? Who said that? Who else is up here?
 
Luigi spins around in his chair to see a tall, sinister-looking character, sharing some of his own physical attributes. Only this newcomer looks much more…..naughty.
 
Luigi: Oh no. Who invited you here?
 
Waluigi: No one invited me, punk! I came to see MY big brother beat YOUR big brother into the dirt!
 
Luigi: (Sigh) Ladies and gentlemen, meet MY own doppleganger. This is Waluigi. He is to me what Wario is to Mario.
 
Waluigi: Hey! When I need you to introduce me, I'll tell ya!
 
Waluigi slumps down into the chair to Luigi's right, usually occupied by Mario. He reaches into his overalls pocket and pulls out a chocolate cigar, then sticks it into his mouth.
 
Luigi: That's shameless. Promoting products that encourage children to smoke.
 
Waluigi: Can it, Miss Priss. When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.
 
Luigi: You always were a creep.
 
Waluigi: Flattery will get you nowhere. Now shut up, while I do my stuff.
 
Waluigi removes the chocolate cigar from his clenched teeth and hurls it onto the floor. He then grabs hold of his microphone and snarls into it.
 
Waluigi: All right, suckers and saps! Listen up! If you think that Mario punk is hot, get a load of Player Two! He's the burly bruiser with power on his side! Strength unmatched by anyone, and cunning to beat the fox! He's my OWN big bro! Everyone welcome Wario!
 
For a few seconds, no one appears. Then a section of wall on the far side of the arena bursts to pieces and Wario charges onto the scene.
 
Wario: You tell 'em, little bro! I'm the best there is at what I do!
 
Luigi: Well, it's apparent that we're going to be saddled with this lunatic over here for the night, so we may as well get started.
 
Waluigi: Watch your mouth, twerp! Otherwise I'll cram my foot so far down your throat, you'll choke on it! Now get on with it, guys! Let's see some blood!
 
Mario and Wario begin to slowly pace towards each other.
 
Mario: So, this is it, eh? We're finally going to see who comes out on top.
 
Wario: And that'll be me. Face it, punk. I've always been better than you.
 
Mario: Better than me? That's a laugh! I've defeated you in battle twice already!
 
Wario: That's only because you cheated!
 
Mario: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to hit you hard.
 
Wario: You don't stand a chance against me!
 
Mario: I've gone up against creeps far more powerful than you, and won. I've bested a giant ape, an evil turtle king, a mad toad prince, a power-hungry alien invader, a souped-up robot conqueror, and a giant, floating, all-powerful glove! I can easily take you!
 
Wario: You could never even get near me when we were kids!
 
Mario: That's because you were bigger than me. You always bullied me!
 
Wario: And you always took it, like the little wimp you were!
 
Waluigi: Come on, guys! Start already! Or are you going to stand there yapping all night?
 
Luigi: Look, just clear off, won't you? And let me perform my announcing duties.
 
Luigi grabs hold of his microphone and speaks into it.
 
Luigi: Before the two contestants start in on each other, I should announce that both players have been granted the privilege of carrying all the special power-up items they can carry on their person. And I bet you were wondering why their pockets were bulging.
 
Waluigi: Hey, Mario! Is that a Fire Flower, or are you just happy to see me?
 
Luigi: I say! That was extremely rude! Not to mention unsuitable for our family-targeted audience.
 
Waluigi: Aw, blow it out of your ear!
 
Luigi, seething with rage, decides to turn the other cheek and goes back to the microphone.
 
Luigi: Ahem. The match officially begins….NOW!
 
Waluigi: Go, bro! Give him hell!
 
Mario and Wario resume their advancing.
 
Wario: Ready for the beating of your life, fun friend?
 
Mario: I refuse to be intimidated by you anymore! You could frighten me when we were kids, but you can't frighten me now!
 
Mario reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a glowing red flower. Instantly, Mario's overalls change from blue to white. A ball of flame sparks out of Mario's right hand and hurls itself on a straight trajectory for Wario. Wario hastily steps to one side and dodges it, only to walk into a second fireball, coming at him from the opposite side.
 
Mario: I've beaten you twice before. I've proven that I can topple you in combat.
 
Wario: We'll see about that, you little creep. As our dear Aunt Petunia used to say, fight fire with fire!
 
Wario reaches into his own overalls pocket and pulls out a strange-looking hat. It is shaped like a dragon's head. Wario places it on his noggin and grins at his opponent.
 
Wario: This is my King Sea Dragon Hat.
 
Mario: King Sea Dragon Hat?
 
Luigi: King Sea Dragon Hat?
 
Audience: King Sea Dragon Hat?
 
Wario: It's from my Virtual Boy adventure, already!
 
Mario: Oh, well that explains why no one's ever heard of it.
 
Wario: What? You mean that the Virtual Boy is a lousy system?
 
Mario: No, I mean that no game starring you is worth paying attention to.
 
Wario: Grrr! That's it! Prepare to be crushed!
 
Waluigi: Yeah! Make him bleed!
 
Luigi: Pipe down, will you? I'm sick of the sound of your voice.
 
Waluigi: Don't make me put you through the wall, Meathead!
 
Wario presses a button on the side of the hat, and the jaws of the dragon open. A large fireball spews out of the mouth and whizzes over Mario's head as he ducks to the ground.
 
Wario: Wah ha ha ha!
 
Luigi: Come on, Mario! You can do it! Whack that weirdo!
 
Waluigi: Shut it, pipsqueak!
 
Luigi: You're just mad because you know my big brother is going to win!
 
Waluigi: Don't make me laugh! MY big brother is going to win!
 
Luigi: Not on your life!
 
Waluigi: My big brother is ten times stronger than your big brother!
 
Luigi: That may be true, but my big brother is smarter! And brains always beat brawn!
 
Waluigi: Haven't you ever noticed that it's always the weak who say that?
 
Meanwhile, back down in the arena, Mario has been busy dodging fireballs from Wario's King Dragon Hat. It looks as if Mario is about to change tactics, as he reaches into his pocket once again and pulls out a leaf. Mario instantly pops the leaf into his mouth and swallows it. Suddenly, Mario begins to change. His ears become brown and pointed, and a large, striped tail sprouts out of his hindquarters.
 
Mario: EEEEEYOOOOOWWWWCH!!!!
 
Wario: What are you screaming for? I haven't even hit you yet!
 
Mario: Well, YOU try sprouting one of these big fat tails out of your butt! It smarts more than a little!
 
Luigi: That's right. It does hurt. I know. I've also had a tail back there a few times.
 
Waluigi: Your personal life has nothing to do with us.
 
Mario's tail begins to flap up and down, and the plumber begins to rise off the ground. In seconds, Mario is hovering high above the arena, suspended in the air by his Raccoon Tail.
 
Wario: Flight, eh? Well, two can play at that game! My King Dragon Hat also allows me to fly!
 
The tiny wings on Wario's hat begin to flap, and he is lifted off of the ground. Wario immediately speeds up and comes flying straight at Mario, fist clenched and out-stretched. But, before Wario can get close enough to attack, Mario swings his powerful tail through the air and smacks it into Wario's face. Wario yells as his hat goes flying and he falls to the ground. Mario flaps his tail slower and slower in order to descend to terra firma.
 
Luigi: All right! What did I tell you? Mario is kicking your brother's butt all over the place!
 
Waluigi: How would you like ME to kick YOUR butt all over the place?
 
By now, Wario has recovered himself and is now reaching into his overalls pocket again.
 
Wario: All right. If you want to play dirty, I'll go along with it. After all, no one is better at playing dirty than me!
 
Wario produces a piece of cake. It looks quite delicious, being made of chocolate and frosted with vanilla icing. Wario stuffs it into his mouth, chews it up, and swallows it. Wario immediately begins to change. His face becomes much bigger and his stomach bulges out to three times its original size.
 
Mario: (Sigh) I warned you that you'd end up like that if you persisted in eating nothing but junk food.
 
Wario: That wasn't ordinary cake, you moron. That was a special piece of cake I devised myself. It allows me to enlarge in girth for a limited time. And now I'm going to flatten you!
 
The new, fat Wario begins lurching towards Mario. Mario decides to take a chance and attack Wario with a punch. Mario runs towards his chubby opponent and lands a sucker punch in his gut. But Wario doesn't even feel it. Instead, he suddenly throws himself down and lands on Mario, flattening him to the ground.
 
Mario: OOOOFF!
 
Wario continues to sit on Mario, as Waluigi eggs him on.
 
Waluigi: Great job, bro! Crush that crumb head! Make him see stars!
 
But, as Wario said, the cake's effect only holds out for a limited time, and that time ends now. Wario quickly reduces to his normal size. Mario is now able to deliver a powerful uppercut, propelling Wario off and away, flying to the other side of the arena.
 
Mario: All right! That went beyond the lines of good taste! Now I'm bringing out the heavy artillery!
 
Mario produces a small red sphere and holds it up.
 
Mario: Fire Bombs came in very handy in my fight against the Smithy Gang a little while back. Let's see how you fare against one!
 
Mario tosses the Fire Bomb to Wario's side of the arena. The bomb explodes, and Wario's clothes burst into flame.
 
Wario: Eeeeyaaahh! Wooooh! Yowch! Yahh! Yee!
 
Wario drops to the ground and rolls around, desperately trying to put the fire out. By the time he has succeeded, however, Mario has produced yet another item. A feather.
As Mario holds the feather in his hand, a bright yellow cape appears on his back.
 
Mario: Prepare yourself to contend with Super Mario!
 
Mario takes to the air once again, flying circles around the arena. Wario, still smoking a bit, searches his overalls for another weapon.
 
Luigi: Yeah! Go, Mario! Clobber him some more! Wam, bam, boom!
 
Waluigi: Shut up!
 
Waluigi grabs Luigi and shoves him over backwards, out of his chair.
 
Waluigi: Come on, bro! You're better than him! Rip him to pieces! Tear him apart!
 
Now Wario produces a second hat and places it on his head. It looks like a helmet with two horns sticking out of it.
 
Wario: So, you like flying, eh? I'll make sure you go flying all the way to Hyrule!
 
As Wario places the helmet on his head, his muscles immediately become much bigger. His biceps, triceps, and leg muscles expand, bulging out of Wario's clothes, tearing the cloth in some places. His torso becomes immense, almost too big for his head. The now barrel-chested Wario stomps over to the side of the arena and grabs hold of the wall.
 
Wario: Now, see if you can win against Bull Wario!
 
Mario: You've ALWAYS been bull.
 
Wario: Well, we'll see if you're still saying that after I've beaten the bull out of you!
 
Incredibly, Wario applies his new super strength to the wall and yanks hard. A huge piece of the wall comes away in his hands. Wario waves it like a club, then throws it straight at the flying Mario. Mario is blind-sided by the portion of wall, and falls to the ground, stunned.
 
Waluigi: Yes! That's the way to do it! Hit him hard! Blast his brains out!
 
Wario stomps towards Mario, grabs him by his overalls straps, and punches him hard in the face. Mario goes flying backwards, as Wario stalks after him again for another hit.
 
Wario: Face it, punk! You've always been weak! So you can clobber a turtle. Big deal! You were always a major wuss when we were kids! You AND your sissy brother!
 
Luigi: Hey, don't drag ME into this!
 
Wario: Man, we used to have some wild times when we were young! Both me and Waluigi would visit you guys every summer vacation. And every day of every summer vacation, we'd beat the living tar out of you goofs!
 
Wario hauls his fist back and lands another punch on Mario, decking him.
 
Wario: And no one could help you guys, no matter how many times you tried to tattle on us! OUR parents wouldn't believe you because, to them, we were perfect angels. And YOUR parents wouldn't believe you because we were the guests, and you were supposed to be polite and obliging.
 
Wario lands yet another punch on Mario, who is almost out cold by this time.
 
Luigi: Come on, Mario! Get up! Hit him!
 
Waluigi: Can it, doofus! He ain't gonna get back up again! My bro is right! You guys were always wimps!
 
Meanwhile, Wario has hit Mario with two more strong punches, and is still reminiscing.
 
Wario: I remember the time Waluigi and I tied you to that anthill when we were playing Cowboys and Indians. Ha! We left you guys there all afternoon! You were covered with bites for two months!
 
Wario is about to hit Mario once more, when the plumber's gloved hand grabs Wario by the front of his shirt. Wario is caught off guard by this action, and looks down at Mario, his fist frozen in mid-air. He sees Mario's eyes flash with anger, and that makes him uneasy. Wario has no time to move before Mario smashes him in the face, hard. He screams as his Bull Helmet goes flying and his muscles return to normal. As Wario picks himself up, Mario catches his breath and dusts himself off.
 
Mario: That's right! I had forgotten about the anthill incident! And we were covered with bites for THREE months, not two!
 
Before Wario can move, Mario flies towards him and lands another sucker punch on him.
Mario: I'd forgotten about all the horrible things you guys did to us in our childhood! But, since you seem to want to take a stroll down Memory Lane, I'll be glad to oblige you!
 
Mario takes off his own hat and replaces it with a cap that is seemingly made of metal. He places it on his head and his whole body instantly turns to iron.
 
Mario: This first punch is for that anthill torture!
 
Mario smashes Wario in the face with his heavy steel fist. Wario grunts and falls backwards.
 
Mario: This second punch is for pushing me into that mudhole in the backyard!
 
A second power-packed punch meets Wario's face.
 
Mario: This one is for stealing my favorite Game and Watch Portable!
 
Mario hits the hapless Wario a third time. POW!
 
Mario: This one is for beating Luigi and I up every day of summer vacation!
 
BAM!
 
Mario: This one is for breaking my favorite toy car!
 
WAMMO!
 
Mario: This one is for spreading a rumor to every girl in school that I had lice!
 
POW!
 
Mario: This one is for Luigi!
 
BAM!
 
Mario: And finally, this one is for ME!
 
POW! BIF! WAM! SOCKO! WAK!
 
The crowd falls silent as Mario stops hitting Wario. He takes his Metal Cap off and returns to normal flesh-and-blood status. Wario stands there in front of Mario, swaying back and forth in a daze. Mario lashes his fist out towards Wario one last time. The fist stops in mid-air, just inches from Wario's black-and-blue face. A finger jolts out of the clenched fist and flicks Wario gently on the forehead. Wario lets out a low grunt of pain and falls over backwards, cold as a cucumber.
The crowd is silent for five more seconds. Then, they erupt into an enthusiastic cheer for the winner.
 
Luigi: Yes! Way to go, Mario! I knew you could do it!
 
Waluigi: I don't believe it! That Mama's Boy actually beat my brother! How?! How is it possible?! He must have cheated! Someway, he must have cheated! There's no possible way he could have won!
 
Luigi: Oh, just shut up, already.
 
Waluigi turns around to face Luigi, prepared to deliver a hard punch to his chin. But Luigi beats him to it. Luigi's gloved fist collides with Waluigi's face. Unlike Wario, Waluigi is defeated by one hit. As his unconscious body slumps back down into the chair, Mario shoots the V-Sign to Luigi, who returns it.
 
Luigi: Way to go, Mario! Man, for a second there, I thought you were going to lose!
 
Mario: No one messes with your big brother, Luigi! But, all the same, I wonder if you might have an ice pack up there, perhaps.
 
Luigi: Heh! Don't worry about it, Mario. You can get plenty of ice at the Juice Bar. We'll go there for drinks after I've wrapped things up here.
 
Mario walks toward the arena's exit while Luigi takes hold of the microphone once again.
 
Luigi: Well, folks, it's been a pleasure. And it was especially fun decking Wario and Waluigi. Boy, that felt good! I haven't felt this alive since my early twenties! Anyway, we hope you all enjoyed the fight, and we hope you all come back to see the next match, during which Mario will be returning as co-host. But that's next week. For now, relax. Read a book. Watch some TV. Play a video game! And on behalf of Mario and myself, have a good night. !
 
 
This summary was written by Metal Mario.