NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Peach VS. Daisy.

Coming to you live from the newlyrebuilt stadium.....
 
Jim: Ohhhkay, this match will take place....how to say....in a slightly more feminine ambiance.
 
Benny: You say that as if it's a bad thing.
 
Jim: Yah, well, this is supposed to be deathmatches, you know, blood and guts all over the place, gratuitous use of heavy
artillery and fullon violence. A slapfrenzy between two hysterical girlies doesn't exactly seem exciting to me. I'm a real man,
after all!
 
Benny: Yes, don't we know it...But what you say sounds unreasonably prejudiced. After all, the graceful and skilled miss
Samus Aran delivered quite a fight last time. You should never underestimate a woman. And that also goes for two women.
For this evening, we will pit the two powerhouse princesses of the Nintendo world against each other!
 
Jim: Meaning, this is a deathmatch between princess Peach of the Mushroom kingdom and princess Daisy of Sarasaland.
Hotcha...
 
Benny: Do try to put some enthusiasm into it, will you? Anyway, here's the full rundown on our femme fatale fighters. Princess
Peach, "the pulveriser in pink" is famous for being kidnapped several dozens of times. She has been a playable character in a
good number of Mario games and is as of now a firmly established member of the Mario cast. As for her age and weight....
 
But suddenly, a loud voice resounds...
 
"One more word and you die!!"
 
Benny: Eh?
 
Looking up, it is revealed that princess Peach is already there, standing on the arena. After a few surprised excalmations from
the crowd and some thrilled cheering by her supporters, she speaks these words:
 
Peach: Skip the age and weight bit, brighteyes, or else....
 
Benny: Uhm...very well. Her age and weight are secrets, but we do know that she likes a man with moustaches or red hair!
 
Jim: Can we just get this over with?
 
Benny: Oh, allright, allright. It won't take long to intro our next fighter, as she's basically one big question mark. We know that
princess Daisy of Sarasaland is....uhm, the princess of Sarasaland, and that she has displayed the same extreme tendency for
getting kidnapped as princess Peach, but other than that, she's a woman of mystery!
 
Princess Daisy then appears on the ring, accompanied by many thrilled cheers.
 
Benny: Note that it's a popular fan theory to believe that she's had an affair with Luigi Mario.
 
Jim: Whoa, Luigi, that dirty bastard....Anyway, can we finally see some deadon fighting here?!
 
Benny: Gosh, you're an impulsive one, aren't you? Anyway, I suppose we can get down to business now.
 
Jim: About time! Game Start!
 
With those words, the arena is illuminated, and the two contestants prepare to square off...
 
Daisy: So, you're Peach of the Mushroom kingdom...hmm, they said you were copying my dress and hairstyle, and it's true.
 
Peach: What a tissue of lies! You're the one who's copying my look! I was there long before you!
 
Daisy: Well, you do look like an old bag.
 
Peach: Grrr, now you're really asking for it!
 
Benny: Shouldn't they blame this on Nintendo's character designers?
 
Jim: Whatever. I say this is boring. We should've had them wrestling in vanilla jelly, clad in skimpy leather costumes.
 
Benny: That's the only thing on your mind....You've seen Sailor Stars one too many times, if you ask me.
 
Jim: Yes, well, in a desperate attempt to get some life into this match, we have a special guest here. This person knows our
two battlers by heart, he should be able to give some inside info on this match. Here with us is the one who spends at least
50% of his live saving princesses, Super Mario!
 
Benny: Is it really a good idea to let him back in this stadium? You remember what happened last time, when he blew up the
stadium and beat us up with his crazy brother.
 
Mario: Relax, that was all Luigi's fault, and I'm prepared to let bygones be bygones.
 
Benny: Oh, great. Well, you personally know our two contestants so, what are your impressions of this battle?
 
Mario: Oh, quick, quick, give me that microphone!
 
Impatiently, Mario rips off the microphone, takes a deep breath and belts out the one phrase he can't resist, for the whole
stadium to hear:
 
"It'sa mee, Mario!"
 
Jim: Dohhh! You're really obsessed by that it'sa me routine, huh?
 
However, the sound of Mario's voice seems to have taken the two pugilist princesses by surprise.
 
Daisy: What's that? Mario's here?
 
Peach: Just a minute, he's my Mario, I'll have you know! I know that you tried to steal him away, you cheap trash!
 
Daisy: Since when is he your Mario? I'll have you know that a really cool hero came and saved me when the alien fiend
Tatanga attacked my kingdom. His name was Mario, and I've never forgotten him....He left me, but he promised that he'd
return and be forever mine...
 
Peach: Grrrr....why you little...you've messed with my man! I won't forgive you! Die!!
 
Out of nowhere, Peach then produces a metal slapping fan and punches the defenseless Daisy away into the distance.
 
Benny: Oh, a sudden ring out! I suppose that means Peach wins this battle. Jim, Mario, what's wrong? Your noses are
bleeding.
 
Jim: When she knocked pirncess Daisy soaring into the air....
 
Mario: We could see up Daisy's dress!
 
Benny: I'm surrounded by perverts....
 
At that moment, an enraged Peach pops up behind Mario.
 
Peach: And as for you, you maniac, you have a lot of explaining to do!
 
Mario: Huh? What did I do?
 
Peach: Don't give me the phoney innoncence routine! I now know what happened between you and this Daisy person!
 
Mario: But, nothing happened at all, honestly.
 
Peach: Bullocks! You can't deny lines like "Thank you, Mario!" and "Oh, Diasy! Daisy!".
 
Mario: Gasp! Ho...how do you know about that?!
 
Peach then takes out a pink Game Boy with a copy of Super Mario Land sticking into it
 
Peach: Your shameless holiday flirt has been exposed, Mario! I've beaten Super Mario Land, I know all about it now! This is
unforgiveable!
 
Mario: Well, if we're going to be like that, don't think I didn't notice how your were languidly staring at Bowser the last time
he ripped you off! Admit it, you've got a fixation on his red hair!
 
Benny: Oh no, this is bad. It's beginning to resemble a certain terribly violent talk show!
 
Jim: Actually, I think it's quite entertaining. Why not have two deathmatches in one this time?
 
Benny: No, no, we can't have that. Last time we had Mario engaging in battle with someone, it ended in cataclysm! No, this
has to stop!
 
Jim: Sheez, you're no fun at all. Allright, leave it to me, then.
 
Benny: And just what can you do?
 
Jim: I know how to break up a fight. After all, I'm used to having hordes of women fighting over my hunky body!
 
Benny: This means we're all doomed.....
 
Meanhwile, the tempers where rising between Mario and Peach.
 
Peach: Well, at least Bowser doesn't go off on socalled vacations to cheat on me with other princesses!
 
Mario: Well, since he's just as much of a brainless freak as you are, you can have him!
 
Jim: Now, now, break it up, you two. We're almost out of running time, you know.
 
Peach: See if I care! I'm going to punish that sleazeball!
 
Mario: Oh yeah, but whenever you get kidnapped it's "help me, Mario, me so bimbo, do something!".
 
Peach: Aaarrrrgh! Very well, this is it! Total anihilation!
 
Peach then flings herself at Mario, but Jim, in a brave yet slightly idiotic move attempts to stop her. This results in him getting
punched to the ground. A slightly concerned Benny walks up to him.
 
Benny: Well, I warned you. Are you allright in there?
 
Jim: Stars...pretty stars...oooh, look at all the pretty stars.
 
Benny: Uhm, well....
 
In the background, an unbridled fight to the death has erupted between Mario and Peach. The noise is unbearable.
 
Benny: I suppose this concludes our fourth deathmatch. Peach obtained a fulgurating victory, as predicted in the votes, but
that didn't really end the battle. This is your host Benny, signing off while he's still in one piece.
 
Morale: If you keep skeletons in your closet, make sure that's where they stay!
 
 
This summary was written by Toasty.