NintendoLand Deathmatch summary
Princess Peach VS. Princess Zelda

The Nintendoland Deathmatch stadium is teeming with excitement and anticipation. One of the most fascinating battles ever to be fought here is about to begin. The battle between two famous princesses, each from very different kingdoms and backgrounds is due to start any minute. The Deathmatch hosts, Mario and Luigi, dressed in smart-looking red and green suits, enter the hosting box through their respective doors, also red and green. The crowd cheers as they see their masters of ceremony take the microphone.
 
Mario: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! And welcome to Nintendoland Deathmatches!
 
The crowd cheers deafeningly for thirty seconds. The Mario Bros. wait until the excitement dies down.
 
Luigi: We're glad you could all make it tonight, because we've got some very special things happening. Undoubtedly, most of you have heard that our two contestants will be Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom, and Princess Zelda the First of Hyrule.
 
The crowd cheers some more.
 
Mario: Zelda the First? Luigi, what the heck are you talking about?
 
Luigi: Mario, I'm surprised at you. Here you are, Nintendo's ultimate ambassador and spokesman, and you can't even keep your chronology straight. I explained this to you before. There have been three different princesses named Zelda over the course of Hylian history. Zelda the First is from that time in Hyrule's history when Ganon was still called Ganondorf, and he first laid his hands on the Triforce.
 
Mario: ……What…..?
 
Luigi: (Sigh) She's the Zelda from the N64 game, Mario!
 
Mario: Oh, right!
 
Luigi: Geez…..Anyway, the reason I went into that is we have a very special guest host, joining us for this night only! Thanks to the wonders of modern time travel, give it up, ladies and gentlemen, for Link the First!
 
Mario: Link the First?
 
Luigi: Shut up, Mario. I'll run over it again later.
 
The screaming crowd cheers as Link the First, dressed in his newly cleaned Kokiri Tunic and polished Kokiri Boots, enters the hosting box through Mario's door. He takes a seat next to Luigi and speaks into the microphone.
 
Link: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you very much! It's a pleasure to be here tonight!
 
Luigi: We invited Link here for the purpose of a little personal wager. Mario and I insist that Peach will win, whereas our friend, Link, seems to be under the impression that Zelda will win.
 
Link: She will win, plumber boy! All I'm saying is that your Peach had better not hurt my Zelda!
 
Mario: Bite your tongue, Long Ears! Your Zelda had better not hurt our Peach!
 
Luigi: All right, guys. Chill out. Both Peach and Zelda have agreed to participate, and if one of them gets their butt kicked, we can't really do much about it.
 
Mario: Well, it's time to get onto the match anyway! Ladies and gentlemen, our first contestant, Player One, is the single-handed ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. She's looked the likes of Wart, Smithy, and Bowser in the eye and made them blink! Especially adept at healing herself and others in a short amount of time, it's Princess Peach Toadstool!
 
The crowd cheers as a slim, green Warp Pipe suddenly appears in the middle of the arena, and Peach jumps out of it, waving to the crowd.
 
Link: And our second contestant, Player 2, is the single-handed ruler of the medieval kingdom of Hyrule. Skilled in the art of telekinesis, she has the power to move things using only the force of her mind. She has devoted her various skills to keeping the peace in Hyrule! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Princess Zelda the First!
 
A bright beam of white light appears in the center of the arena. The crowd watches with excitement as the light begins to take on the shape of a human. Finally, in one quick flash, Zelda materializes from the light.
 
Peach: Show off…..
 
Mario: All right! Both our contestants are here, so I'd say it's time to start this thing!
 
The crowd cheers as a burly Kremling rings a gong, signaling the start of the match. Peach and Zelda begin to step towards each other.
 
Peach: So, you think you can beat me, eh? Don't forget, I clobbered another princess in this same arena already. And in just one hit as well.
 
Zelda: Oh, do get over yourself. Daisy was a wimp. You're playing with the big girls now!
 
This remark seems to anger Peach, and she launches herself through the air at Zelda. But Zelda doesn't move. Instead, a bright bolt of light suddenly jolts out of her forehead, and strikes Peach in the midsection, sending her flying back into the wall.
 
Zelda: Temper, temper. A hot head makes for a painful fall.
 
Peach: When I get finished with you, you'll be the one with the hot head! In fact, it'll be burning!
 
Zelda: Oh, hush up and take your medicine like a good girl.
 
Zelda fires a second light beam at Peach. But Peach is prepared this time. Quickly, she whips out her parasol and snaps it open, holding it in front of her face. The light beam hits the parasol and bends in accordance with the contours of the open bumpershoot, splits into two pieces, and flies away into space.
 
Link: Ha! Your Peach is merely staying on the defensive! My Zelda is crushing her!
 
Mario: Hey, shut up, Earring Boy, or I'll bash your face in! You may be good with that sissy sword, but I can punch harder!
 
Link: Bring it on, marshmallow butt!
 
Luigi: Guys, guys! The fight is down there, not up here!
 
Meanwhile, back down in the arena, Peach has clearly made a comeback. It is clear that Zelda has taken a few hits from Peach's parasol, and is retreating to the other side of the arena, with Peach in hot pursuit.
 
Mario: Go, Peach! Go!
 
Link: Yeah, go, Peach! Go home, that is!
 
By this time, Zelda has managed to recover herself, and is now back on the offensive, readying herself to fire another light beam. But Peach is ready with yet another unique tactic. As the light beam comes hurtling towards Peach, she quickly exchanges her parasol for a heavy frying pan, which she holds in front of her like a shield. The light beam hits the pan and bounces back towards Zelda. Zelda shrieks in surprise and anger as the light beam hits her instead, knocking her to the ground.
 
Peach: Ha! Nothing clobbers a long-eared pris like a cast-iron cooking utensil!
 
Zelda: Pris?! PRIS?! That does it! Now, I'm angry!
 
Zelda jumps to her feet and waves her hands in the air. Before Peach can react, she finds herself rising up into the air. Incredibly, Zelda is using her telekinetic powers to lift Peach using only the power of her mind.
 
Zelda: Ha! What do you have to say now, Toadstool? Getting a touch of vertigo, perhaps? Let this be a lesson to you! Never mess with someone who has all the wonders of the Triforce of Wisdom at her command!
 
Suddenly, Zelda releases her telekinetic grip on Peach, throwing her through the air. Peach slams hard against the stadium wall, and slumps to the ground.
 
Mario: Peach! Oh no!
 
Luigi: Oh dear. It looks like this fight may be over for poor Peach.
 
But Peach has deemed to see otherwise. As Zelda moves in for the kill, Peach's barely conscious body begins to glow and shimmer with light. The crowd can hear her muttering strange phrases to herself. Finally, when Zelda is just a few feet away, Peach springs to her feet, and catches Zelda a punishing blow on the chin, sending her reeling backwards.
 
Zelda: What?! How….?
 
Peach: You may have the Triforce of Wisdom, little missy, but I have healing spells! Prepare for pain, because you're leaving town on the end of my high-heeled shoe!
 
Peach rushes up to Zelda and kicks her in the stomach. Zelda crumples to the ground, while Peach kicks her around some more. In the hosting box, Link can barely stand to watch.
 
Link: Stop it! Stop it! You! Plumbers! You're the hosts! Stop this fight before that evil pig kills my poor Zelda!
 
Zelda: Don't worry about me, Link! I have the situation well in hand!
 
And with that, the whole immediate area around Zelda erupts into a loud explosion of light. Peach is caught in the radius of the circular beam and is catapulted through the air, back to her own corner of the arena.
 
Zelda: It's been fun, but it's time to finish this!
 
As Peach struggles to her feet, a dark cloud of smoke forms around Zelda. Within seconds, a loud bang is heard and the smoke clears. Zelda is gone, and in her place is a young man in a tight, spandex bodysuit.
 
Sheik: All right, Princess Pantywaist! Let's see how well you fare against a man! Meet my alter ego, Sheik!
 
Peach is genuinely surprised by this incredible transformation, and finds herself unable to move or even speak. Sheik takes advantage of this and rushes towards Peach, fist outstretched. The fist collides with Peach's face, knocking her even further away. Sheik doesn't let up. Instead, he/she runs to catch Peach as she falls to the ground, and, with impressive upper body strength, hurls Peach through the air once again. Finally, when Peach lands hard on the ground, Sheik stretches his/her arms out and concentrates profusely. Peach is slowly lifted off the ground and encased in a bubble.
 
Sheik: This bubble is airtight! I'm going to leave you in there until you suffocate!
 
When Mario hears this, he breaks into a furious panic.
 
Mario: What?! Suffocate?! No! You can't do that to her! Look! She's unconscious! You've already won! Just leave her alone!
 
These pleading words reach Sheik, who is not unaffected. He/she slowly places the bubble back on the ground and releases Peach. Peach is alive, as she gasps for fresh air. Sheik changes back into Zelda.
 
Zelda: The plumber's words have been taken into account. I have already won. You are beaten. The plumber is obviously in love with you. I know that my Link would fall into despair if I were ever taken from him, so I shall spare you for Mario.
 
Link: You're just lucky that Zelda is a nurturing soul, Mario.
 
Mario and Luigi are quite relieved as the first aid attendants come to carry Peach away on a stretcher, and Link rushes down into the arena to speak to Zelda.
 
Luigi: Well, I guess that's a wrap.
 
Mario: Poor Peach! I hope she's all right.
 
Luigi: She's very plucky, Mario. I'm sure she's fine. Anyway, I hope that all you spectators enjoyed this show more than we did, and we hope to see you here next time at Nintendoland Deathmatches!
 
 
This summary was written by: Metal Mario